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Where Do Our Friends Go When We Need Them?

By Sheillah Maonga
Lifestyle Writer, KDRTV.
Why does it look like our friends leave us when we need them the most?
Why does it look like our friends are only there for good times and disappear when our tide changes for the worse?
What are we doing wrongly when it comes to friendships?
I believe that to be surrounded by good and genuine friends (that won’t disappear when you need them), you need to be a good and genuine friend yourself, first and foremost.
You need to be that friend that doesn’t disappear when your friend is going through a difficult time.
You need to be committed to the friendship and take in stride what it comes with.
So, how do we commit to a friendship? How do we build this good and genuine friendship?

The answer is simple.  We need to invest in our friendships. Friendships need time. That’s the investment – time. Create time for your friends. This lets them know that you value them. Let them, through your actions, know that they are important to you.  A valued friend will value you back and in effect, that friendship will be fulfilling.

 When you create this time for your friends, don’t keep tabs. Friendships are not equal affairs. Often, in the course of a friendship; one person may need more from the friendship than the other, thus she becomes more of a taker than a giver.
Don’t keep an inventory of what your friend needed and what you gave. This just creates an atmosphere that’s unnecessary. Friendships are about knowing that someone is there for you. That someone has your back and won’t tire coming to your rescue all the time. That’s the mark of a good and genuine friend.
Because life isn’t fair, you may find that your circumstances mean that you take more from the friendship while your friend gives more.  In a good friendship; this disparity shouldn’t cause a problem at all. Empathy and solace should take the forefront, rather than measuring slots that the friend took and you gave.
Get off social media and see your friends face to face. In terms of time, both quality and quantity is needed for a friendship to thrive. I believe that social media has given rise to lazy friendships. We have become friends that look for the easiest way out of communication.
When we like a friend’s post on  Facebook, we convince ourselves that that’s communication we have done. We text, instead of calling or meeting up. We are selfish with our time. The hassle of calling or meeting up is one we don’t see necessary for the friendship.  Therein lies the problem.
Others take it to another level. Texting is too much of a chore, so they rely on forwards and captions to communicate.  No original thought from their minds. But, they believe that by sending that ubiquitous forward, they have indeed given time to the friendship.  The mind boggles.
Without investing time in a friendship, it is a done deal that when you need these friends, they may not be there at all. They may send you a text, or a forward, maybe like your post  that you sent them requesting help, and that’s that.
So, when we ask where our friends go when we need them, let us also ask ourselves if we truly invested in  that friendship for us to expect some loyalty and help from it.

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